"Then I'd know how to"

How to move into a house and meet neighbors:

• Step 1 -- Have good friends who are willing to help you move even though a) they have to drive several hours to do so, b) it takes up their entire weekend and c) moving sucks...
• Step 2 -- Make sure those friends know they are greatly appreciated through hospitality, primarily through offering them a cold glass of water or at least a bottle of water.
• Step 3 -- Procure furniture from your boss in a 30 minute time-frame. If the 30 minutes extends to 75 minutes, pay your friend who is waiting in your empty, dismantled to help you move five dollars because he bet you it would take at least 60 minutes.
• Step 4 -- Rather than spend hours trying to pack your whole apartment into one u-haul, pile the furniture in, being sure to Tetrisize the table chairs and take to house. Return later for the boxes.
• Step 4.5 -- Let your friend drive the u-haul. He's better at it than you are.
• Step 5 -- When the load, unload, eat lunch, return to apartment process takes two hours rather than four, keep your five dollars, because you bet double-or-nothing it wouldn't take four hours.
• Step 6 -- Stop for water breaks, while your friends load and unload two boxes at a time.
• Step 7 -- Tie your dog up in the yard so that the neighbor girls can ask dozens of times if they can pet the puppy. Note: They will continue to ask, and may ride their bikes around down their street and up your street to get to the other side of the fence all in hopes of ultimately petting your dog.
• Step 8 -- Let your friends pick dinner. They've got good taste in food. Let'm pick lunch too. They know what'll hit the spot in the middle of the move.
• Step 9 -- Watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off until midnight.
• Step 10 -- Answer the doorbell when it rings around midnight. When Billy asks for the seller of the house you just moved to, tell him she moved to Arizona. When he begins the next sentence with "Most neighbors usually would ask for sugar..." and ends it with "do you have $15 I could borrow" shut the door and finish Ferris Bueller.
• Step 11 -- If you do not shut the door and instead give Billy $15, take his watch as collateral. If you don't, you will not see Billy again and his promises of getting you into all the good bars (including gay bars) and bringing down steaks to eat with you or taking you for a ride in his cool car will not actually happen.
• Step 12 -- Be relieved that Billy will not be coming back for his watch. Write the $20 -- yes if you give $15, he'll push for $20 -- off as a moving expense.
• Step 13 -- Watch your friends play "Pirates" the next day for several hours. Resting after a hectic Saturday that left you with a new home and a wallet 20 bucks short of a full load.

Thanks to team Philbe (or is it team Wilip) for all their help. Without them, we'd still be trying to get our King Size bed up our Twin Size stair well.